


Tonight, you and I are getting married

by DesertNomad



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Enemies to Lovers, F/F, F/M, Falling In Love, Family Secrets, First Time, Forced Marriage, Hurt/Comfort, Kidnapping, Romance, Sexual Content, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-01
Updated: 2017-04-16
Packaged: 2018-10-12 02:08:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 17,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10479705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DesertNomad/pseuds/DesertNomad
Summary: It’s the dawn of 20th century. In order to inherit her uncle and save her three younger siblings Lexa needs to marry Clarke. But when expelled from Jake’s office after asking for Clarke’s hand in marriage, she has no other choice but to kidnap Clarke and force her to marry her.





	1. Prologue

‘’May I have this dance,’’ a dashing officer asks.

He and Clarke spoke few times, politely, as far as society allows. He walked her home few times. His black uniform only added to his dapper look. Clarke felt safe by his side. And there were rumors about marriage. Clarke’s father owned a bank so the money she was supposed to bring into marriage, if she wanted to marry an officer was not a problem. Every girl was crazy about him and yet he chose Clarke to walk her home and now dance with him.

Her heart skips few beats at his offer. And she tries to sustain her smile as his hand still remains stretched towards her. His smile is what she likes the most, never too wide, rather polite and respectful.

‘’Yes,’’ she says, and her stomach is where she feels strange the most.

They dance among other pairs, but Clarke is not aware of them. His dark eyes are too distracting and his hand on her waist is sending chills down her spine.

‘’You look beautiful,’’ he compliments. And Clarke is grateful he is holding her, for the spinning and the statement all together make her want to faint.

‘’Thank you,’’ she shyly replies.

She doesn’t care about envious looks and all the other girls who would easily trade everything to be held like she was. She only wants to enjoy the moment and secretly imagine their life together.

 

****

_Dearest,_

_There is nothing more to be said. But I want you to know that I don’t blame you. I could never feel anything else but love for you. I’m grateful for everything that has ever happened to me, good or bad, for it led me to you. And I’m thankful if your love was true even for one day._

_Forever yours,_

_Marcus_

Wet stain spreads across his name. Abby reads the letter over and over again. She has been reading it for over twenty years. She reads it like a prayer every night when her husband leaves the house. Every time she remembers her past and the choice she has made. But now, upon the news of Marcus’s death, she knows she’ll be reading it for the rest of her life. She chose a wealthy man over the love of her life. She ruined him and herself, deceived by her own desires, trapping herself in a loveless marriage. She probably would’ve ended her life, if it wasn’t for Clarke. The only thing she was grateful for and the only worthy thing she had.

‘’Mother,’’ Clarke enters her room. She runs towards Abby and falls into her lap. ‘’I’m in love,’’ she sighs.

Abby quickly wipes her tiers before they are noticeable.

‘’You’re crying,’’ Clarke frowns.

‘’No, no,’’ Abby lies. ‘’I’m just happy that you look so beautiful. That dress is beautiful on you’’

‘’Of course it is, you made it,’’ Clarke says, overwhelmed again by her infatuation.

‘’I was waiting to see how was the ball,’’ Abby smiles while trailing her fingers through Clarke’s hair. ‘’So you’re in love huh,’’ she asks.

‘’I think I am’’

‘’Is it the officer’’

‘’Yes,’’ Clarke says and her stomach feels strange again at the remembrance of the dance.

‘’It’s nice to be in love,’’ Abby says. ‘’But be careful,’’ she warns Clarke.

‘’Of what’’

‘’Of your heart,’’ Abby sighs. ‘’It doesn’t always know what’s best for you’’

Clarke doesn’t really understand that. ‘’Mother,’’ she frowns.

‘’Yes’’

‘’Are you happy with father’’

Abby’s look is thoughtful. ‘’Why are you asking me that’’

‘’I know he’s cheating on you,’’ Clarke quietly says, feeling sorry for her mother.

Abby sighs. ‘’Everyone knows that my dear’’

‘’But,’’ Clarke starts. ‘’Aren’t you mad’’

‘’There is no point in being mad. He was my choice,’’ my mistake she wants to say. ‘’No one forced me,’’ she says while images of her past flash before her eyes.

‘’I want to punch him,’’ Clarke angrily says, making Abby smile at her daughter’s protectiveness.

‘’Me too,’’ Abby keeps her smile.

‘’I’d do anything for you mom’’

‘’Same my dear,’’ she kisses Clarke’s forehead. ‘’It’s late, you should sleep now.’’

‘’Oh I don’t think I’ll be able to fall asleep.’’

Abby smiles again while standing up. ‘’Ok, then I’ll go and sleep,’’ she walks towards the door.

‘’Mom,’’ Clarke stops her. ‘’I love you’’

‘’I love you too,’’ Abby says before walking out of the room, leaving Clarke in the dark with her eyes open and an unnatural heart rate.

Abby walks into her bedroom, she leans on the window frame and starts reading the letter again before she’s interrupted by the drunken version of her husband. He stumbles into the bedroom, letting out a scoffing sigh at the image of Abby and the paper in her hands.

‘’Who is sending you letters,’’ he mockingly asks.

‘’Are you drunk again,’’ she says without looking at him.

‘’No,’’ he says before bursting into laugh and leaning on the window frame as well, partially because he’s unable to stand.

‘’Get out,’’ Abby calmly says.

‘’You can’t throw me out. This is my house, remember. You were the penniless one’’

‘’Don’t you have some mistress you need to go to. I’m sure some of them are available tonight.’’

‘’You forget you were not so innocent yourself.’’

‘’Don’t compare me to your whores’’

‘’Really, what about that Marcus of yours’’

Abby lifts her look. ‘’He was ten times the man you are’’

‘’As far as I know he might’ve been Clarke’s father as well.’’

Abby’s eyes glisten and her hand flies towards Jake’s face but he’s somehow able to catch it.

‘’You’ll never try that again,’’ he says with a threatening voice and pushes back her hand.

‘’If it wasn’t for Clarke I would’ve left you long time ago. I thought having any father is better than none. But now I see I was wrong’’

Jake keeps smiling, not really listening. His senses are dull. He can barely stand. And he collapses on the bed, starting to snore quickly afterwards.

 

 

****

 

Lexa sits on the porch of her uncle’s house, watching her two younger brothers in their playful mood. Aden all prod and yet only in his teens wanted nothing more than to learn how to fight like Lincoln. Lexa’s look is thoughtful, she is slightly confused. Not slightly, hugely. There she was, penniless until yesterday, supporting her younger siblings, educating herself and themselves, giving up her meals so that Aden would eat. And now, after reading her uncle’s will, she was in shock to say the least. Who was this Clarke Griffin that her uncle wanted her to marry?

‘’I guess I don’t have to ask you what you’re thinking about,’’ Anya comes to sit beside Lexa, handling her glass of water.

‘’Thanks,’’ Lexa says.

‘’I think all of us can’t get it out of our heads.’’

Lexa starts to spin the glass she’s holding, still silent.

‘’What will you do,’’ Anya asks.

‘’What can I do’’

‘’You don’t have to do what he wanted. We didn’t even know him. We don’t need his money. We’ll find another way, we always have’’

‘’That was what I thought…at first,’’ Lexa says. ‘’But then I look at Aden. We wouldn’t have to worry about educating him. We could renew our parent’s mill. Anya, we wouldn’t be hungry anymore,’’ she closes her eyes. ‘’I’m tired of trying to find a way all the time. I’m tired of this surviving.’’

‘’But you don’t love that girl. You don’t even know her.’’

‘’I don’t’ care. I only need the paper for the court, she can do whatever she wants afterwards’’

‘’Marriage is not just paper. It’s for life.’’

Lexa rubs her temple. ‘’I’ll try to make a deal with her parents and then we’ll see.’’

‘’I’m with you whatever you decide, but if you ask for my advice I wouldn’t do it if I were you. Our uncle was a weirdo and talked to no one. Maybe he was crazy. You can’t listen to a crazy man’s will.’’

‘’We didn’t know him,’’ Lexa says. ‘’We don’t know why he was the way he was.’’

‘’I don’t even want to know. He never wanted to help us or our parents. He was too obsessed with making money. Where was he when our parents died? The four of us know how hard it was, especially for you.’’

Lexa’s eyes are fixed on her two brothers. ‘’Let me talk with her parents,’’ she insists.

Anya sighs. ‘’Ok, but it’s not gonna end good.''

 

****

 

Instead of doing his job Jake Griffin was too busy calculating his debts. He was a real mama’s boy. Spoiled in the wealth he was born into, thinking he can never run out of it. But there is no money that cannot be spent. And he had a talent for spending it quickly. It was either gambling or apartments for his mistresses. Alcohol was also on the list. But he wasn’t spending only his money. He started spending bank’s money, other people’s money. And it was a safe recipe for bankrupt.

‘’Sir,’’ Jake’s secretary says. ‘’Some girl wants to talk to you’’

‘’Say I’m not here,’’ he says, angry for being interrupted.

‘’I’m afraid she is insisting, and she says she knows you’re inside.’’

Jake glances at his watch. ‘’Ok. Let her in,’’ for his other side wants to be distracted from his calculations.

Lexa enters his office, nervous but never showing it. She can judge people easily and she doesn’t like what she sees but doesn’t show that either.

‘’Good day sir,’’ she politely says.

‘’Hello,’’ Jake stretches his hand, offering Lexa to sit across the table from him.

‘’Thank you sir, but I’d prefer to stand’’

‘’Fair enough,’’ he smiles. ‘’What is it that I can do for you’’

‘’Sir I don’t like to talk much so I’ll immediately say why I came,’’ she sighs. I came to ask for your daughter’s hand in marriage.’’

Jake’s eyes widen. ‘’Easy there,’’ he stands up as well. ‘’Easy,’’ he approaches Lexa, starting to circle her. ‘’Introduce yourself. Who are you? Where are you from? Who’s you’re family.’’

The idea of Clarke getting married also came across his mind, marrying wealthy of course. It could save his sinking ship.

‘’I’m a recently graduated lawyer. I have no one but my sister and two brothers,’’ Lexa says. ‘’And up until recently we had an uncle, but he passed away’’

‘’Who was your uncle’’

‘’He was an engineer. His name was Marcus Kane’’

‘’What was his name,’’ Jake’s voice cracks and his face changes color.

Lexa notices the change but repeats anyway. ‘’Marcus Kane, sir’’

‘’Get out’’ he whispers.

‘’Pardon sir,’’ Lexa frowns.

‘’Get out,’’ he yells.

Lexa swallows. She doesn’t know the reason behind his reaction, but sees that explaining the situation would have little effect on him. She looks at Jake once more before she leaves his office.

 

****

 

Abby was just finishing preparing lunch. She never liked having housekeeper helping her, although it was common for a wealthy house. She hears the doorbell and takes off her apron, leaving it on the kitchen table before headed to see who is on the other side of the front doors. She opens them only to find a young woman standing on the porch.

‘’Hello,’’ Abby politely says.

‘’Hello ma’am, are you Abby Griffin’’

‘’Yes,’’ Abby says.

‘’May I come in. I need to speak with you’’

‘’About’’

‘’Something urgent’’

‘’Please,’’ Abby opens the door for Lexa to enter.

‘’Thank you,’’ Lexa says before passing by her.

She is lead into the living room and is offered to sit at what she politely nods. She secretly observes the interior. And portrait of a beautiful young girl catches her eye and she wonders if that is Clarke.

‘’How may I help you,’’ Abby says, sitting on the sofa across from Lexa.

‘’Ma’am my name is Lexa Woods and my uncle was Marcus Kane’’

Abby’s heart starts to pound at the mention of Marcus’s name.

‘’Ma’am I don’t know if you heard, but he died recently’’

‘’Yes, I heard,’’ Abby says, trying to hide swirling emotions inside her.

‘’He made me his successor. He’s leaving me his savings, his lands and properties but under condition that I marry the daughter of Abby Griffin.’’

‘’What,’’ Abby says, startled.

‘’He left me your address, information about you and your husband. I don’t know what the connection between the two of you was but I assume you knew him. Otherwise he wouldn’t have mention you, let alone make such a request.’’

‘’Yes I knew him,’’ Abby admits, wanting to say I loved him. ‘’Long time ago’’

‘’Ma’am I just spoke with your husband’’

Abby’s eyes widen. ‘’What did he say’’

‘’He expelled me from his office when he heard who my uncle was’’

Abby sighs not surprised by her husband’s act.

‘’You’re my last chance,’’ Lexa says. ‘’I need to take care of my brothers and sister’’

‘’I would like to help you,’’ Abby starts, truly meaning it. ‘’I really would. But I can’t do anything against my husband’s will. He’s the only one who can give Clarke away.’’

Lexa clenches her jaw, her look is on the floor and she remembers Anya’s words. ‘’Thank you for your time,’’ she says while standing up.

‘’But if you need anything else,’’ Abby stops her. ‘’Please let me know. And I will do anything that I can’’

‘’Thank you,’’ Lexa says upon leaving.

 

****

 

‘’Do it again,’’ Jake orders.

‘’I’ve done it three times sir, result is always the same,’’ clerk says.

‘’Do it again,’’ he starts to panic.

‘’Sir, the bank is bankrupt.’’

He still doesn’t believe it. He denies it. It can’t be it. What is he going to do? He will kill himself. No, he loves himself too much to do such a thing. He will sell everything he has. No, that’s not nearly enough. He will run. Yes, he will run away. That’s the safest option for him.

‘’Sir where are you going’’

Jake stands by the open doors, trying to think of a reason. ‘’If someone asks for me, tell them I’m on a business trip,’’ he says upon exiting.

He’ll flee the country. His entire way home he thinks about his plan. He tries to remember every corner in his house where he could possibly find some money. One place he knows for sure. But there has to be more. This can’t be the end.

‘’Why are you home so early,’’ Abby asks visibly distracted version of Jake after he storms into the house.

‘’Pack your bags,’’ he manages to say, while reaching for the suitcase on the top of the wardrobe and throwing it on the bed.

‘’What, why’’ Abby frowns.

‘’Where is Clarke,’’ he asks, randomly putting items in the suitcase.

‘’She has French lessons,’’ Abby says, still frowning.

‘’Find her, we have to go,’’ he says while roaming with his hand behind a small drawer, his secret hideaway.

‘’What is happening’’

‘’God damn it woman,’’ he yells, smashing a vase from the night stand against the wall. ‘’Do as I say and stop questioning me’’

Abby clenches her jaw. ‘’In what kind of trouble did you put us this time’’

‘’Bank is bankrupt,’’ he says, finally reaching for a small box and getting startled after opening it. ‘’Empty,’’ he echoes.

Abby is looking at this ruin of a man, longing to be released from the shackles of her marriage.  ‘’What if I refuse to go’’

He calmly stands up, still not fully recovered from the shock of an empty box.

‘’You’re my wife,’’ he says after facing her.

‘’I’m not anymore’’

‘’Go find my daughter,’’ he returns to the suitcase.

‘’And then what,’’ she asks.

‘’We’ll get out of this. We’ll marry her for someone rich.’’

‘’Do you really think I’ll let you sell my daughter like that’’

‘’She’s my daughter as well,’’ he smiles as if that gives him the power over both of them.

Abby thinks of a way to release herself and Clarke from this awful man, egoistic man who cares only about his happiness.

‘’She’s not your daughter,’’ Jake looks at her. ‘’Clarke is daughter of Marcus Kane,’’ Abby lies, ruining Jake’s dreams of Clarke’s marriage.

He is looking at her for a while, before he calmly closes the suitcase and starts walking towards Abby.

‘’Well,’’ he starts. ‘’You’ve just proved you were as much as a whore as I thought you were,’’ he says. ‘’Goodbye Abby, you may have pleased me for some time,’’ he says before passing by her.

Abby’s look is distant, a tear of freedom sides down her cheek as she remains alone in the bedroom. ‘’You never pleased me’’

 

****

 

News spread quickly in small towns, especially bad news and Arkadia wasn't exception. Clarke came home from her French lessons only to find her house filled with police officers and neighbors with fake compassion, eager only for a good gossip. The remaining group of the people she sees is the one carrying their stuff out of the house, her stuff. She sees her piano being taken out, her bed, her desk, her wardrobe. She finally spots her mother being comforted in the crowd.

'’Mother,’’ Clarke calls after pushing her way through.

‘’Oh my sweetheart,’’ Abby pulls her in for a hug.

‘’What’s happening’’

‘’Your father bankrupted us with his debts, now they are taking everything that was on his name, including the house’’

Clarke frowns while enveloping her mother. She doesn’t know what to say or to think. ‘’Where will we live,’’ she manages to ask after breaking the hug.

‘’We’ll stay on the countryside with my cousin Indra, for some time. Until we figure out what to do next. And don’t worry honey,’’ Abby comforts her. ‘’Nothing is bad, as long as we have each other’’

 

****

 

‘’You’ll stay in TonDC until the end of the next week,’’ Lexa says, handling keys of their old house to Anya.

‘’Lexa,’’ Anya starts. ‘’He gave us house without you having to marry Clarke. We’ll sell the old one and use money from it as a start.’’

‘’Anya who would buy that ruin’’

‘’Lexa I don’t know what’s your plan but my gut is telling me it’s not good’’

‘’Take the key,’’ Lexa orders. ‘’And stay there until the end of the next week’’

Anya is slightly intimidated by Lexa’s voice. She has never seen her look so determined.

Lexa watches the chariot go, with her three siblings waving at her. But she doesn’t wave back at them, for the crime she was about to make she knows will scar her for life. And it’s paralyzing her.


	2. I do

Clarke loved scarlet roses the most. Just like her mother. She walks around the courtyard of her aunt’s house trailing her fingers over her favorite flower. Making sparrows fly away from the trembling branches. She gives a subtle smile at her mother and aunt who sit on the porch in front of the house. But the smile is overshadowed by her sad look.

‘’My poor child,’’ Abby says before coughing.

‘’Why,’’ Indra asks.

‘’She dreams about marrying an officer. Without the money that’s not possible now.’’

‘’If he loves her he will take her without money’’

‘’You know officers have to pay to the army if they want to get married.’’

‘’Then he should quit if he loves her’’

Abby coughs. ‘’You always have answer for everything,’’ she says making them both smile. ‘’All l I want for her is to find someone who will love her. I’ve ruined my life and now hers by not choosing the man I loved,’’ Abby ironically sighs. ‘’It’s funny how one mistake turns your whole life upside down. And it continues like a domino effect.’’ She coughs again, but with more intensity.

‘’You’re gonna get sick,’’ Indra says. ‘’You’ve been coughing whole week. Both of you are still exhausted. It was a huge shock’’

‘’Not for me,’’ Abby rubs her chest, her lungs feeling sore from coughing. ‘’It was a relief,’’ she says. ‘’And I somehow saw it coming.’’

‘’I can imagine,’’ Indra says while standing up. ‘’But still I’m gonna make you some tea.’’

‘’Thank you,’’ Abby smiles. ‘’And thank you once more for letting us stay here’’

‘’Never thank me for that. You stay as long as you need,’’ she says before walking into the house.

 ‘’Mother,’’ Clarke yells.

‘’Yes,’’ Abby smiles.

‘’I’m going for a swim.’’

‘’Isn’t it a bit late,’’ Abby frowns.

‘’Please,’’ Clarke begs.

‘’Alright, alright,’’ Abby smiles, always indulging Clarke’s needs. Although worried for Clarke’s future, deep down she was really proud at Clarke and the person she has become.

Clarke walks out of the courtyard, closing the wooden fence door after her. Events from the last week left her confused. It wasn’t her father leaving, they were never really close. Mostly he just wasn’t there. And it wasn’t the loss of money and the house. She wasn’t a superficial type. But she won’t be able to marry the officer now. Her dreams of love were ruined, although a part of her was still hoping. And she started going to a nearby river every day only to distract herself from the thought she won’t be with him. Rich girls didn’t really have any other purpose but to marry to someone rich and therefore expand their father’s fortunes. They were raised and taught how to be wives. That was supposed to be their profession.

Clarke swims for almost an hour. She notices a car up on the road, only because seeing a car was so rare at the time. It was black Ford T, new model but she doesn’t really pay attention.

Lexa is sitting in the back seat, watching Clarke walking out of the water. She sighs, not knowing if she is able to get through with her plan. Clarke seemed so innocent. Finding out where Clarke and her mother moved delayed her plan for few days. And now she was looking at this beautiful girl, who was totally unaware of Lexa and her intentions.

‘’Take this’’ she handles a napkin to the driver and a small bottle containing some chemical, probably chloroform.

He nods and pulls a handle in order to get out.

‘’Gustus,’’ Lexa says with her eyes fixed on the cabin where Clarke is changing. ‘’I don’t want anything to happen to her’’

He nods once more and starts going down to the river. Clarke is still changing in a small cabin and cannot see him coming. She walks out and heads towards her towels that remained on the ground. She straightens herself and suddenly strong arms wrap around her and piece of cloth is covering her lower face. She tries to resist but a very strong smell paralyses her. She feels the loss of her senses and quickly afterwards, dark follows.

 

 

****

 

 

‘’She should’ve been back by now,’’ Abby frowns.

‘’She always stays late,’’ Indra says but something in Abby is telling her otherwise.

‘’Let’s go there,’’ Abby suggest.

‘’You’re paranoid’’

‘’Please let’s go there,’’ Abby insists.

‘’Fine, let’s go there,’’ Indra yields.

Whether it was a sixth sense or simply maternal instinct, it was telling Abby that something was different from all the previous days when Clarke would go for a swim. And as they were approaching the river the feeling only grew to be stronger. They reached the beach only to find Clarke’s towels and swimming suit.

Abby falls on her knees and struggles to breathe as Indra frowns at the sight. She tries to think of a possible scenario as Abby starts coughing and suffocating at the same time.

‘’What if she drowned,’’ she manages to say.

‘’No she didn’t,’’ Indra tries to calm her, although the thought occurred to her as well. ‘’We’ll find her,’’ she says, crouching next to Abby. ‘’We’ll find her’’

‘’If she drowned,’’ Abby starts to stammer. ‘’If she drowned,’’ she is unable to finish for the lack of air and constant coughing make her mind go blank before she faints.

 

 

****

 

 

Clarke was slowly coming back to conscious. Her eyes are still closed but she can feel bumps that wheels are going over. She frowns while opening her eyes. And realizes her head is leaned on someone’s shoulder, so she quickly removes it. A young woman is sitting next to her. Clarke carefully observes her braids and unusual clothes but the strangest part is paint on her face. And it slightly intimidates Clarke.

‘’Who are you,’’ she manages to say. ‘’Where am I,’’ she starts to look around, while Lexa remains silent with her gaze fixed on the road ahead. ‘’What is this,’’ Clarke asks. ‘’Stop the car,’’ she orders. ‘’Stop the car right now,’’ she repeats significantly louder.

‘’Stop the car,’’ Lexa says and stretches her hand to open the door on Clarke’s side. ‘’You’re free to leave,’’ Lexa says pointing at the dark and a gloomy environment. ‘’I just don’t know where is it that you plan on going, in the woods? In the night,’’ Lexa asks. ‘’I think it would be best for you, if you just stay where you are,’’ she says before closing the door. ‘’Drive,’’ she orders.

‘’Who are you? What do you want with me,’’ Clarke angrily asks.

‘’Don’t worry miss, nothing bad is going to happen to you,’’ Lexa calmly says.

‘’Will you please explain the meaning of all this’’

‘’I will,’’ Lexa says, avoiding Clarke’s questioning look. ‘’But not yet’’

‘’When then,’’ Clarke frowns.

‘’When you get out of state of shock’’

‘’I’m afraid that’s not going to happen unless you let me go’’

‘’We’ll reach my house any moment now. We’ll talk after you rest.’’

‘’No, I want answers now,’’ Clarke keeps insisting.

‘’We’re here,’’ Lexa says after the vehicle stops, and walks out holding the door open for Clarke, even offering her a hand. But Clarke refuses to walk out.

‘’Nothing bad is going to happen to you,’’ Lexa tries to reassure her but it doesn’t really encourages Clarke. ‘’I swear,’’ she says and Clarke hesitantly steps out.

Clarke looks around, trying to figure out where she is, while Lexa walks her through the courtyard and soon afterwards the house. It was a big house. It slightly resembled the one where she grew up, although hers didn’t have that many books. Lexa shows her a way into the small library.

‘’Here you can rest,’’ she says. ‘’There’s food on the table. You must be hungry.’’

‘’I don’t want to eat. I want to know the meaning of all this,’’ Clarke says.

 ‘’Eat,’’ Lexa ignores her question, before leaving the room.

Clarke follows but Lexa closes the door before Clarke can reach them. She spins the key two times while Clarke keeps pulling the handle and hits the door and the sound breaks Lexa’s stoic act. She starts taking deep breaths and leans her forehead on the door as Clarke’s back slide down against the wood until she reaches the ground. Lexa hears Clarke’s silent sobbing. And starts walking backwards, with her eyes fixed on where she assumes Clarke is. She walks until her back hit the opposite wall and she closes her eyes trying to lower the insane hammering in her chest.

‘’What am I doing,’’ she whispers. ‘’What the hell am I doing,’’ she repeats.

Anya’s words echo in her head and she finally understands them. She doubts she’ll have the strength to get through with her plan. It was easy to think of it without Clarke being there, without hearing Clarke’s cries. She sees her brothers playing and her sister trying to figure out what to cook and her eyes are open again. She has to get through with it, but how? What does it mean that she is someone else underneath when there is a locked girl in her house?  Was this how you become the villain? Road to hell is paved with good intentions and now Lexa sees it’s true. The piano in the corner catches her eye and she slowly walks towards it, defeated by her own actions. She places her fingers on piano keys. And the melody that starts filling the room creates drops that tickle her cheeks on their way down her face. They slide over the black paint that was mimicking tears in the first place as she weeps over the loss of her innocence.

Clarke hears the music and it only makes entire situation more confusing. It’s slowly gaining the elements of an unrealistic situation as she walks towards windows, trying to open them but finds them to be locked. She finally sits on the sofa, feeling exhausted. The music sounds like a lullaby and it’s making her eyelids heavy. She prays she’s in a nightmare so that she can wake up from it. And she slowly sinks into a deep slumber in order to go home.

After some time Lexa quietly walks into the room. She sees that the food is intact and she finds Clarke sleeping on the sofa. She carefully takes of Clarke’s shoes and puts blanket over her, tucking her in gently and kneels before her.

‘’I’m sorry,’’ she whispers, listening to Clarke’s peaceful breathing.

Her tender features have soothing effect on Lexa and a strand of Clarke’s hair that’s falling over her nose pushes corners of Lexa’s lips upwards. Clarke was truly beautiful. But the realization makes Lexa quickly stand up. She mustn’t allow herself to think of Clarke in that way. Clarke couldn’t possibly love her after something like this. Lexa would only suffer more than she already is. She sits on the chair next to sofa and puts her legs on the table. If she could have just one minute of sleep it would be helpful. But she’s convinced she’ll never be able to sleep again.

 

 

****

 

 

Roosters woke up most of the Polis long time ago. Clarke opens her eyes and roams over the room with them, trying to figure out where she is. Her body aches with every movement, side effect of an extremely uncomfortable position she was sleeping in. She sees Lexa sleeping on the chair and remembers the events from the night before. It wasn’t a dream. And she sees this moment as her opportunity to escape. She puts her shoes on slowly, trying not to make any loud noise on her way out.

Lexa’s eyes are still closed. ‘’Where are you going miss,’’ she asks.

‘’Let me go!’’ Clarke orders. ‘’What the hell do you want with me?’’

Lexa lifts her eyelids. ‘’Please don’t make a scene,’’ she frowns, rubbing her temple. ‘’I promised nothing will happen to you’’

‘’What good is a word of a gangster’’

‘’Not much,’’ Lexa says. ‘’But I’m afraid you don’t have any other choice than to trust me.’’

Clarke frowns at the floor. ‘’My mother must be dead worried’’

‘’Don’t worry I’ll return you safely to your mother’’

‘’When,’’ she looks at Lexa.

‘’When I say so’’

‘’So I’m your prisoner now’’

Lexa stands up to face her. ‘’Yes,’’ she says before leaving the room.

‘’Let me go,’’ Clarke follows her, for this time Lexa leaves the door open and it surprises Clarke.

‘’You haven’t eaten anything,’’ Lexa says. ‘’Choose what you like,’’ she motions toward the fresh food on the table, the food that wasn’t there last night.

‘’You are not alone,’’ Clarke notices.

‘’Today I am… ‘’ Lexa sighs. ‘’Now please eat.’’

Clarke looks at the food but sees only the knife. She slowly approaches the table, pretending she wants a slice of bread. But she quickly turns towards Lexa and puts knife on her throat.

Lexa is not surprised. She doesn’t even try to stop Clarke. She herself thinks she deserves it. The most beautiful eyes she has ever seen are looking at her with nothing but pure hate.

‘’You’d save me if you’d do it,’’ she whispers and it makes Clarke confused.

She’s wondering why is Lexa not afraid? She acts as if Clarke is doing exactly what she wants her to do. Clarke tries to look behind Lexa’s cold gaze and the paint that’s hiding her features. But it is not until she sees the portrait of her mother that she lowers the knife.

‘’Mom,’’ she utters, as steel hits the wooden floor. She walks few steps away from Lexa who is still looking at Clarke. ‘’What is a portrait of my mother doing her,’’ she asks, frowning confusingly at it.

Lexa swallows. ‘’I know nothing about it’’

‘’Don’t lie. This is her. This is my mother when she was young’’

Lexa remains silent.

‘’Who’s house is this,’’ Clarke asks.

‘’It belonged to one man’’

‘’Where is he now’’

Lexa struggles with her answer. ‘’He passed away’’

‘’What is all this,’’ Clarke angrily asks fed up with every new detail she discovers and the confusion it creates.

‘’Eat,’’ Lexa says on her way out.

‘’Where are you going,’’ Clarke asks, watching her leave.

‘’For some fresh air,’’ Lexa says, walking away but stopping before exiting. ‘’And don’t think about escaping,’’ she says. ‘’There’s no need.’’

Clarke watches her leave the room. The truth is she was starving. But what did her mother have to do with all of this?

 

 

*****

 

 

Lexa walks around courtyard, both hands are in her pockets. Her head is lowered and heavy. It’s making her neck ache. But she ignores it. Her thoughts are occupying her more. She tries to find strength in those who need her help. In those she wants to protect. She just needs a signature, that’s all. And she keeps repeating it as a prayer and justification. Her eyes find window of the room where Clarke is and she thinks enough time has passed.

Clarke ate something, barely enough but she has no appetite.

‘’Have you calmed yourself,’’ Lexa walks back into the room.

‘’Hardly,’’ Clarke coldly looks at her.

‘’Please sit,’’ Lexa offers her a chair. ‘’We need to talk,’’ she says and the both sit across the table from one another.

‘’I think so too’’

‘’I didn’t want to talk before because I needed you calm and conscious, for what I’m about to tell you might be even worse.’’

Clarke frowns. ‘’What could be worse than this’’

‘’Well…’’ Lexa starts. ‘’Maybe it’s not that bad,’’ she cracks a smile. ‘’Depends on your angle,’’ she tries to ease Clarke into the story. ‘’First of all I want you to know that I am also forced, I take no enjoyment in this’’

‘’Who forced you’’

Lexa swallows, ignoring the question. ‘’My request is next…’’ she looks at Clarke.’’ You have to marry me’’

‘’What,’’ Clarke blurts out. ‘’To marry who, you’’

‘’Yes,’’ Lexa keeps her gaze.

Clarke smiles. ‘’Do you even know what marriage means. There’s no way I’m going to do that’’

Lexa looks aside. ‘’I’m afraid you’ll have to’’

‘’Are you insane? How could I marry someone I don’t know’’

‘’I’m sorry that I’m not your type but you’ll have to’’

Clarke shakes her head. ‘’You are crazy’’

‘’Miss, I really don’t have time to argue. In two hours we’ll be on our way to the church. ‘’If by any chance you say no,’’ Lexa says taking out gun from her back pocket and putting it to her temple.

‘’My dear God,’’ Clarke gasps in shock.

‘’…I’ll kill myself in front of you’’

Clarke covers her mouth with her hands.

‘’Trust me. All of this is extremely painful for me as well,’’ Lexa says in complete despair. ‘’This is my only choice’’

Clarke remains mute and terrified, looking at a broken version of Lexa. She is finally able to see the struggle in her eyes. ‘’Well… if you speak like this you must be bothered with something. Tell me what it is.’’

Lexa shakes her head. ‘’Please don’t ask me that. I’ve already told you how painful this is for me’’

‘’Tell me what it is so that I could understand you better. All of this is confusing. Maybe I can help you in a different way’’

‘’This is the only way you can help me’’

‘’Every court will deny such a marriage. And they would put you in jail’’

‘’Yes,’’ Lexa agrees. ‘’But the question is would your mother let anything happen to me’’

‘’You think my mother wouldn’t sue you. The police is probably already looking for me.’’

‘’No,’’ Lexa says. ‘’Your mother would never sue me’’

Clarke looks at the portrait again. Her dear mother would do anything for her, she knows it. But what if there is something from Abby’s past that Clarke doesn’t know. What if Abby committed some crime? Clarke remembers her promise that she will do anything for her mother.

‘’And if I say yes’’

‘’Then I’ll return you safely to your mother’’

Clarke frowns. ‘’You give me your word’’

‘’Yes’’

‘’And then I can sue you’’

‘’No, you mustn’t,’’ Lexa blurts out and sighs afterwards. ‘’I wouldn’t do all this if I don’t have to’’

Clarke observes Lexa carefully. She can’t understand any of it. Her mother has got to do something with all of this, but what. She can’t see the connection.

‘’What’s your name,’’ she asks.

‘’Lexa’’

‘’Last name’’

Lexa hesitates. ‘’It doesn’t matter’’

‘’You’re hiding your identity,’’ Clarke concludes. ‘’That’s why you’re dressed like that. You’re pretending to be a peasant and you’re not.’’

Clarke’s perspicacious makes Lexa smile. ‘’Maybe one day you’ll have the chance to get to know me better’’

‘’What,’’ Clarke lets out a scoff. ‘’You really believe we’ll meet again after this’’

‘’Miss,’’ Lexa lifts her look. ‘’Tonight, you and I are getting married,’’ she says. ‘’Sooner or later we’ll have to meet again to see what we’re gonna do with it.’’

Clarke stands up, starting to walk across the living room, while Lexa remains sitting. She looks through the window noticing scarlet roses in the courtyard. She thinks of her mother and what is it that she could’ve done to make this happen to Clarke.

‘’Is my mother involved in something,’’ she asks and Lexa remains quiet.

‘’You’re silent,’’ Clarke looks at Lexa, annoyed by her habit to not answer questions. ‘’Do you even know my name,’’ she asks.

‘’Of course I know,’’ Lexa says. ‘’You have a pretty name, Clarke,’’ she says before coming near the window herself.

She leans on the window frame with her arms crossed and smiles at Clarke. She is suddenly more comfortable in her company. But she can’t let herself like this girl. ‘’You and I are gonna get married,’’ she teases and Clarke scoffs ironically.

‘’If I was a millionaire let’s say, or an officer for example, you would gladly accept my offer,’’ Lexa says. ‘’But…’’

‘’But,’’ Clarke echoes silently.

‘’…I’ll have to disappoint you. I’m just a peasant’’

Clarke’s look is still roaming across the nicely arranged courtyard and her favorite flower. ‘’Where did you learn to talk like that,’’ she looks at Lexa. ‘’You’re not a peasant, you’re educated’’

Lexa’s smiles again at Clarke’s mental perception but her smile begins to fade when she looks through the window. ‘’I learned it in life full of bitterness,’’ she says before glancing at her pocket watch in order to change the subject. ‘’Six thirty,’’ she whispers. ‘’We’ll leave at eight’’

Clarke swallows and closes her eyes. She thinks of her mother and hopes she’s not worried too much.

‘’I’m goona leave you to prepare. Everything you need is in that wardrobe. I want my bride to be pretty,’’ Lexa tries to bring some humor into the room but Clarke ignores it. ‘’I’ll leave now.’’

Lexa walks out of the room and Clarke comes to stand in front of the mirror, looking at her pale reflection.

‘’My God,’’ she utters. ‘’This can’t be happening.’’

No girl imagines her wedding day to look like this. She won’t even have a wedding day, it was already getting dark. And if Lexa is going to hide who she was, Clarke will hide it from herself, therefore it won’t be her who’s getting married. She finds make up in the wardrobe and starts to draw across her face.

 

 

****

 

 

Lexa walkes back into the room, she changed her clothes but the paint was still on and she smiles when she sees paint on Clarke’s face as well, knowing why Clarke did it.

‘’You look beautiful,’’ she says, truly meaning it but Clarke thinks she’s just being ironic.

Clarke coldly looks at her. ‘’I want you to promise me that after everything is done you’ll immediately return me to my mother’’

‘’No,’’ Lexa says. ‘’After that we’ll come back here’’

Clarke inhales and angrily holds her breath. ‘’I knew you won’t keep your promise’’

Lexa smiles. ‘’We’ll come here to have dinner and then I’ll return you to your mother,’’ she explains. ‘’It’s a long road. I don’t want you to be hungry. This is exhausting enough’’

Clarke wants to be done with everything as soon as possible. She keeps thinking about her mother, and drains all her strength from the memories of her.

‘’Shall we,’’ Lexa smiles and offers her hand but Clarke passes by her.

On their way to the church they are mostly silent.

‘’How long have we been driving,’’ Clarke asks. ‘’Two hours’’

‘’Fifteen minutes,’’ Lexa says.

‘’Forced to marry at night, Jesus Christ,’’ Clarke says. ‘’Are these things really possible’’

‘’Looks like they are,’’ Lexa calmly says with her eyes on the road.

‘’You’re a criminal,’’ Clarke angrily says.

‘’We are what we are,’’ Lexa keeps looking ahead.

‘’I don’t believe this,’’ Clarke utters. Part of her still wants to believe this is a dream, a sequel to the one from the night before.

‘’Miss why are you ruining the atmosphere? With a slightly better attitude this could even be romantic,’’ Lexa jokes and Clarke gives her a sarcastic look. ‘’I promised nothing will happen to you. Haven’t I kept my promise so far?

Clarke remains silent.

‘’This will all be over soon,’’ Lexa says, wondering how they got so far in the first place.

Again Lexa offers Clarke help to get out of the car. But Clarke seeing the church slowly becomes to realize this is all reality.

‘’I’ll tell the priest I was forced to do this. He is bound by law. He will refuse to perform the ceremony.’’

Lexa looks at Clarke and a ruthless determination spreads across her face, giving her eyes a different shade as they glow in the night. ‘’That will only delay the encounter with your mother,’’ Lexa calmly says but it sounds like a threat and it makes Clarke step out slowly.

‘’You’re late,’’ priest smiles. ‘’I thought you would come during the day’’

‘’Forgive us father,’’ Lexa says.

Clarke observes the environment filled with candles and she looks at Gustus, this giant of a man standing behind them, holding a long thin candle, looking obediently at the priest.

‘’Dear God,’’ she whispers, slightly frightened.

‘’Shhh,’’ Lexa nudges her with her elbow.

The priest starts the ceremony as they both kneel in front of him. He starts to walk around them, reading prayers from the book he’s holding as a young women follows him chanting in a different language. Clarke struggles to breath and Lexa can sense it but keeps her determined look. He places crowns on their heads and reads few more verses.

‘’Rise,’’ he says, and they both do as commanded.

‘’Lexa,’’ he looks at her. ‘’Are you determined to take this woman you see before you as your wife.’’

‘’I am father,’’ Lexa says.

‘’Have you promised yourself to another’’

‘’No father’’

‘’Clarke, are you determined to take this woman you see before you as your wife,’’ priest asks and Clarke remains mute. She struggles to speak and Lexa finally looks at her.

‘’I am,’’ she somehow manages to say. But she doesn’t feel like she’s saying it. This cannot be real.

‘’Have you promised yourself to another’’

Clarke thinks of the officer and how she dreamed of him being by her side instead of Lexa. Her eyes glisten. ‘’I haven’t,’’ she lies as her dreams become shattered and she blames Lexa for it.

I hereby declare God’s servant Lexa and God’s servant Clarke married. In the name of father, son and holly spirit, amen.

‘’Amen,’’ both Clarke and Lexa echo it and in the same time.

He gives them paper to sign. And Clarke writes her name with a shaking hand, before rushing outside feeling suffocated by the heavy smell of burned wax.

Lexa quickly follows her. ‘’Clarke,’’ she calls as Clarke stops by a pillar in front of the church, struggling to breath.

Lexa almost places her hand on Clarke’s shoulder but decides not to. Clarke looks at her. Wondering when will she wake up. Words want to come out but she can’t, she can’t speak. Her knees are weak. And before she knows it and everything becomes dark, Lexa’s hands are around her, holding her firmly not to hit the ground.

 

 

****

 

 

Clarke opens her eyes to find her head on Lexa’s shoulder again. She removes it quickly as she remembers the ceremony and feels another wave of panic attack.

‘’Have we really married,’’ she says through gasps.

‘’We have,’’ Lexa calmly answers.

‘’My God,’’ Clarke closes her eyes. A tear slides down her cheek and it cracks Lexa’s stoic façade while she glances at Clarke with the corner of her eyes. She swallows and keeps clenching her jaw. She wants to stop all this as well. Her inside hurts. The only thing she was praying for was Clarke not to start crying. Her eyes glisten and she quickly closes them. When she lifts her eyelids her look is ruthless again and fixed on the road ahead.

‘’Don’t cry,’’ she coldly orders.

‘’I was thinking about my mother. It’s because of her that I did all this’’

‘’Clarke I know that you think I’m cruel’’

‘’You are cruel,’’ Clarke interrupts and Lexa’s jaw clenches again. ‘’You’ve ruined my hopes and dreams’’

Lexa looks at her reflection in the window and frowns. She doesn’t know who that is. But the damage is done. ‘’I’m not cruel, life is cruel,’’ she says. ‘’It makes us evil, even if we’re not,’’ she tries to justify her actions. ‘’But don’t despair,’’ she looks at Clarke. ‘’I’ll return you to your mother’’

Clarke sighs. ‘’If only it were true’’

‘’I’m already driving you home,’’ Lexa says. ‘’Soon we’ll be at my house. We’ll have dinner there and then we continue our journey. That’s it’’

Clarke looks at a vague smile on Lexa’s face.

‘’Are you feeling better now,’’ Lexa asks while Clarke remains mute. ‘’You must be a girl that cries a lot,’’ she teases on purpose. And Clarke sighs, while crossing her arms. ‘’I want you to know that I’m in your debt,’’ Lexa says and Clarke look at her, startled.

‘’You thought I was rich, didn’t you,’’ Clarke asks, making Lexa smile. ‘’I’ll have to disappoint you as well. I’ve got nothing but my ten fingers.’’

‘’I like it when you talk like that,’’ Lexa teases again. ‘’Better that than to cry’’

 ‘’I cry because I don’t understand any of this’’

Lexa takes a deap breath. ‘’One day you’ll understand it all’’

Clarke keeps looking at her as Lexa’s look remains fixed on the road. She thinks Lexa has two personalities. One is mysterious and polite and other is ruthless and evil.

‘’Why are you looking at me like that,’’ Lexa asks. ‘’You’re observing your wife, a peasant woman’’

‘’You’re not a peasant,’’ Clarke says. ‘’Of that I’m sure. Your hands are not hands of a peasant but sadly an intellectual.’’

Lexa smiles. ‘’You’re smarter than I expected,’’ she looks at Clarke. ‘’Maybe I don’t regret marrying you,’’ she teases, partially meaning it.

‘’You really think we’re married,’’ Clarke asks.

‘’Yes we are,’’ Lexa frowns. ‘’ Only… I’m surprised that I so unexpectedly found such a jewel,’’ Lexa says, still looking ahead and the compliment leaves Clarke speechless. They remain silent until they reach Lexa’s house and even upon entering.

‘’Who prepared all this food,’’ Clarke asks as Lexa holds her chair.

‘’Trust me I have no idea,’’ Lexa smiles, going to sit on the other side of the table.

‘’You have no idea…’’ Clarke echoes. ‘’…even though, you’ve sent everyone away just to not have any witnesses.’’

Lexa’s smile widens. ‘’Of that you’re right. When you want to commit a crime it’s better that there’s no one around’’

‘’Well I can be an ugly witness,’’ Clarke says, leaning on her elbows.

‘’You’re not my witness, Clarke’’

‘’I’m not,’’ she asks.

‘’You’re my accomplice,’’ Lexa whispers. ‘’And more and more I start to believe you’ll be on my side’’

‘’How can you even think that’’

‘’Oh I’m not thinking it,’’ Lexa grins. ‘’I can feel it’’

‘’Where’s the driver,’’ Clarke asks.

‘’Driver thought we should be alone,’’ Lexa cockily looks at Clarke. ‘’And he’s completely right.’’

‘’No one normal gets married like this, you must be some kind of womanizer or adventurer’’

‘’I don’t know,’’ Lexa shrugs with her shoulders. ‘’The only thing I do know is that I feel so relieved and for that I’m really grateful to you,’’ she smiles at Clarke. ‘’Let’s eat, you must be hungry’’

‘’I’m not hungry’’

‘’Clarke, all of this has exhausted you. Please take something’’

Clarke hesitates but eventually takes the cutlery.

‘’I forgot wine,’’ Lexa blurts out.

‘’I don’t drink,’’ Clarke says.

‘’Not even in occasions like this,’’ Lexa jokes.

‘’Don’t be sarcastic’’

‘’I’m sorry that your mother probably got worried. But I told her that you’ll be back soon’’

Clarke’s eyes widen. ‘’What you talked to her’’

‘’No, I met some workers in the field and asked them to deliver my message,’’ Lexa says. ‘’Do you feel better now’’

Clarke looks at the portrait of her mother. ‘’I don’t know. I still can’t pull myself together’’

‘’Eat and then I’ll return you to your mother,’’ Lexa reassures her and Clarke keeps looking at her vague smile. ‘’You’ll see I’ll keep my promise.’’

 

 

****

 

 

Clarke frowns while sensing the light coming from outside. Sleeping in a car became exhausting.

‘’Where are we,’’ she asks.

‘’Near your house,’’ Lexa answers.

‘’Last two nights were real,’’ Clarke whispers.

‘’Yes,’’ Lexa says and they remain silent.

‘’What is it that you do,’’ Lexa asks.

‘’Why do you care’’

‘’I care about my wife,’’ Lexa jokes making Clarke let out a scoff.

‘’Don’t worry,’’ Clarke says while rubbing her neck. ‘’I won’t starve,’’ she says.

‘’Why would you starve? Many struggle to survive but manage somehow’’

‘’As if you would know how that feels’’

Lexa’s jaw clenches. ‘’I wouldn’t like to talk about it’’

Clarke sees the river she swims in every day and soon afterwards car stops. Lexa opens the door for Clarke and this time Clarke takes her hand.

‘’Clarke I want to tell you something’’

‘’You’ve said enough’’

‘’Say hello to your mother and ask her to forgive me if it’s possible’’

‘’That’s a hard thing to ask for’’

Lexa sighs. ‘’If police asks you something’’

‘’I’ll tell them everything’’

‘’No you won’t,’’ Lexa says witht a threatening voice. ‘’You’ll tell them this. Two men took me. They brought me into some village. Then a woman came and said who is this, this is not the girl I want. Send her back’’

‘’And why didn’t they do it immediately.’’

Lexa smiles cockily. ‘’They were waiting for dark,’’ she whispers.

‘’In the end you’ll teach me how to lie,’’ Clarke ironically purses her lips.

Lexa laughs but her smile rapidly fades and she can’t detach her eyes from Clarke’s. ‘’Clarke, one day I’ll come back for you,’’ she says. ‘’Now I still can’t’’

‘’What, am I supposed to wait for you,’’ Clarke frowns.

‘’I know I don’t have the right to ask anything from you but with each passing moment I want you to think of me and remember my words’’

‘’It’s strange to ask for such a thing after everything you’ve done’’

‘’One day I’ll explain everything… but for now I just want you to think of me, cause I certainly won’t be able to forget you. After all,’’ Lexa smiles. ‘’You’re my wife now’’

‘’You better push that thought out of your head,’’ Clarke angrily says.

‘’I’m afraid I can’t,’’ Lexa looks apologetically at Clarke and takes her hand. ‘’I’m sorry that it had to be this way,’’ she says after placing a soft kiss on it and before Clarke pulls it back.  

She looks at Clarke walking backwards from her and running away quickly afterwards. Lexa sighs. She got the paper she needed but now she was afraid she got herself into a bigger trouble. Her heart was telling her so.


	3. I'm lost

Clarke rushes into her aunt’s house only to find Indra sitting at the kitchen table.

‘’Clarke,’’ Indra’s eyes widen as she stands up.

Clarke falls into her embrace finally feeling safe and protected. She wants to tell everything but Indra’s saddened expression is dominating over her happiness upon seeing Clarke.

‘’My dear child,’’ she says.

‘’What is it,’’ Clarke frowns.

‘’It’s your mother,’’ Indra starts.

Clarke’s mouth is suddenly dry. ‘’What happened’’

‘’She’s in hospital,’’ Indra says, making Clarke frown harder as she struggles with words. ‘’They think she has… tuberculosis’’

Clarke stares before starting to shake her head.  ‘’No,’’ she whispers.

‘’She fainted the day you disappeared. I thought it was just stress but called the doctor anyway because she kept coughing and complaining about chest pain. They took her yesterday. Just before two man came to tell us that you’ll return soon’’

Clarke looks at the front door. ‘’I want to see her,’’ she heads towards them. ‘’I want to see her now.’’

‘’Wait,’’ Indra stops her. ‘’I have to inform the police you’re here’’

 ‘’You called them,’’ she manages to say, slowly sitting on the chair remembering her own case. She was too young, too gentle for the cruelty of events that occurred in such a short time. She felt as if being tossed into the river without knowing how to swim.

‘’Yes, I didn’t know what else to do. And then two men came saying you’re safe and that you will be back soon…’’

‘’I was kidnapped,’’ Clarke whispers, suddenly feeling afraid of telling the whole story.

‘’What,’’ Indra blurts out, pulling out a chair to sit next to Clarke.

‘’Yes,’’ Clarke starts to blink. ‘’But by mistake,’’ she says.

She wants to tell everything the way it happened but what about her mother’s portrait? She cannot put her mother in danger, especially now with her being sick. She wants to see her first before she says anything.

‘’Two men took me and brought me into some village,’’ she continues. ‘’And then they realized I’m not the person they need.

‘’My dear God what is this happening…’’ Indra leans back on her chair in shock.

‘’Aunt,’’ Clarke says. ‘’I have to ask you,’’ she hesitates. ‘’Is there something my mother has done, something I don’t know about. A crime or something’’

Indra frowns. ‘’No my child, your mother was a saint,’’ she says. ‘’The only mistake she ever made was not marrying Marcus instead of your father.’’

‘’Marcus,’’ Clarke echoes. ‘’Who’s Marcus’’

Indra sighs. ‘’He was probably the only man she ever truly loved’’

‘’Then why did she marry father,’’ Clarke asks.

‘’He was rich, Marcus was not. And she wasn’t either. She couldn’t stand living in misery with your grandparents anymore. And your father was a charming man, she didn’t see his true face’’

‘’But that doesn’t look like mother, she would never do that’’

‘’We all make mistakes my dear. She was young and naive. And she quickly realized what she has done. She chose money instead of love and ruined her life’’

Clarke is surprised but doesn’t think that has any connection with what just happened to her. ‘’But… is there anything else’’

‘’I don’t think there is,’’ she says. ‘’At least I don’t know about it’’

‘’I want to see her,’’ Clarke stands up. ‘’I have to see her. She has to know I’m safe.’’

‘’Alright let’s go’’

 

****

 

 

The hospital was crowded as always and Clarke kept biting her tongue all the way there. It was her mother’s portrait in that mysterious house that kept haunting her. Was her mother ever there? Did her mother know her kidnappers? What could’ve Abby done?

‘’Hello,’’ Indra says, introducing Clarke with the doctor. ‘’This is Abby’s daughter’’

‘’Nice to meet you,’’ doctor says offering his hand.

‘’How is she,’’ Clarke asks impatiently.

‘’We are still waiting for the blood results. Then we’ll know for sure. Although, all the symptoms say it’s tuberculosis‘’

Clarke looks aside, before closing her eyes.

‘’If it is, what’s the procedure,’’ Indra asks.

‘’Well the good news will be that we discovered her illness before she started to spit blood. That increases her chances. But you know that this is the worst disease of our age. The treatment lasts at least 6 months and we’ll have to move her to sanatorium’’

‘’I want to see her,’’ Clarke says.

‘’She’s asleep now and sedated.’’

‘’I want to see her,’’ Clarke insists, making the doctor sigh.

‘’Alright, but very quickly,’’ he says, leading Clarke to Abby’s room.

Clarke walks inside seeing her mother truly is asleep. She sits beside her bed and takes her hand.

Abby’s eyelids barely move ‘’Clarke,’’ she utters with a weak voice, trying to smile.

‘’Shhh,’’ Clarke says. ‘’Don’t talk’’

‘’You’re ok,’’ she softly smiles.

‘’I’m ok, don’t worry,’’ Clarke smiles back. ‘’And you’ll be too,’’ she encourages.

Abby closes her eyes but keeps her smile and Clarke doesn’t let go until her mother is asleep again. She walks out of the room saddened by her mother’s condition and .

‘’How is she,’’ Indra asks.

‘’She’s asleep’’

‘’For now, stress is strictly forbidden. In few days we’ll have the results. And then we’ll know the next step’’

 

 

****

 

 

Clarke and Indra return home, both silent and thoughtful.

‘’Aunt I have to tell you something,’’ Clarke starts but hesitates again. There is always fear when retelling a trauma. ‘’I wasn’t kidnapped by mistake’’

Indra frowns. ‘’What do you mean.’’

‘’Aunt someone kidnapped me and forced me to marry them’’

‘’What,’’ she blurts out.

‘’But you mustn’t tell anyone. I’m afraid mother is involved into something’’

‘’I don’t understand. Who kidnapped you?’’

‘’I don’t know. I only know her name is Lexa and maybe she gave me a false name. I don’t know. And she took me to some house where I saw my mother’s portrait.’’

‘’Did they hurt you’’

‘’No, no one touched me. But she forced me to marry her’’

‘’How did she force you’’

‘’She took me to some church and we got married. She threatened she’ll kill herself if I don’t do it. I know it sounds confusing and it felt like that. It was night and it all felt like a nightmare.’’

‘’And then what happened’’

‘’Nothing, she brought me home. We had dinner and then we drove here.’’

‘’I’ve never heard of such a thing,’’ Indra frowns. ‘’And you’re sure they didn’t do anything to you’’

‘’No, marriage was the only request. And in the end she told me that my mother wouldn’t sue her and all of it was so confusing. Why wouldn’t my mother sue her’’

‘’I will speak with some lawyers. That kind of marriage any court would deny’’

‘’I know, that’s not what’s worrying me. It’s mom being involved into something. I don’t want to put her in some kind of trouble, especially now.’’

‘’Of course,’’ Indra nods. ‘’Do you remember anything else, the house, anyone else, which place it was’’

‘’No,’’ Clarke says. ‘’It all happened during the night. I just remember the inside of the house. There were a lot of books and that’s it. She was alone in the house’’

‘’That’s strange,’’ Indra frowns.

‘’I know. But I have to find out the truth’’

‘’We will, but first we’ll call the police’’

‘’All right, but we mustn’t mention the marriage. Then everyone will know’’

 

 

****

 

 

‘’How is she,’’ Anya asks

‘’The fever is finally down,’’ doctor says. ‘’But she’s still hallucinating. Make sure that the wet cloth on her forehead is always fresh and cold’’

‘’Thank you doctor,’’ Anya says while walking him out.

‘’And do you know someone named Clarke,’’ he asks before exiting the house.

‘’No,’’ Anya lies. ‘’Why’’

‘’She keeps calling her name,’’ he says and Anya nods looking at the floor.

‘’Goodbye’’

‘’Goodbye doctor,’’ Anya closes the door. She puts her hand on her forehead and takes a deep breath. ‘’How could she do it,’’ she sighs.

‘’I don’t know,’’ Lincoln says reading the papers again.

‘’Why didn’t she listen to me? We could’ve just sold this house’’

‘’That wouldn’t last long. She knew that,’’ Lincoln says.

‘’Do you think this was all worth it. This is all cursed now’’

‘’I know,’’ he calmly says. ‘’We can’t show her the papers. Not yet,’’ he concludes.

‘’I know,’’ Anya agrees before heading towards Lexa’s room. She finds her sister in a deep slumber. She doesn’t shake as she used to rather move’s her head occasionally as if having a nightmare.

Anya sits beside her and removes the warm cloth from Lexa’s forehead. She doves the cloth in a small container with water and drains it before putting it back. She sits beside her sister for a while.

‘’Why Lexa,’’ she utters. ‘’Why didn’t you tell me’’

 

 

****

 

 

It’s been a week since doctor stop visiting Lexa. She was recovering and regaining her strength. But nights were never easy and her guilty conscious couldn’t let her sleep. And even if she would manage somehow there was always Clarke with knife pressed against Lexa’s throat. And just before Clarke would decide to act Lexa would wake up in sweat. 

Last night was no different and Lexa came down for breakfast feeling exhausted. They wouldn’t great each other. Lexa would only silently sit while Anya would finish preparing breakfast for everyone. And they would quietly eat, which was very strange for them. Before they didn’t have much food but there was some laughter. And now all of them knew how the food came to the table and eating became painful.

‘’Lexa we have to show you something,’’ Anya says, looking at Lincoln who was holding the papers.

Lexa looks at Anya first and Lincoln afterwards.

‘’Page four,’’ he says, handling it to her. ‘’At the bottom’’

Lexa frowns as she flips the pages and stops blinking upon finding the article.

_Two days ago a young girl was kidnapped by mistake. But as a proof that misfortune always comes in plural she returned home only to find out her mother has tuberculosis. Not to mention that the poor girl was recently abandoned by her father after he bankrupted them…_

Lexa quietly closes the paper before finishing the article and walks away from the table.

‘’Lexa wait,’’ Anya calls. ‘’Lexa she’s your responsibility now,’’ she says but Lexa ignores.

She walks outside and heads towards her uncle’s office. It was at the top of a small tower that was separated from the house and Lexa started to spend most of her time there, wrapped in her solitude and guilt.  Her uncle was a loner and she was beginning to think how she will end up like one as well. She was definitely becoming closer with him, although she didn’t know the reason of his behavior and why he acted the way he acted. And she doubted his reason was as black as hers.

She walks into the room and stands in the middle of it. It was all hers now. And what was the point of it. The only thing she wanted now was to smash it all. She was that evil person underneath, that reflection she saw in the car. She didn’t know she had that in her. And the realization struck her like a thousand knives. Her knees hit the ground as she buries her face in her palms. If only she could rip this pain inside her chest, if she could only turn back time, for it’s something she’ll have to live with for the rest of her life. She’s angry, angry that she was tempted and angry that she failed. But the bottom line was that there was no one else to be angry at but herself.

She will give Clarke divorce. But seeing the article she also feels the need to help her. Lexa knows Clarke would never accept her help. She walks towards the desk and starts looking for some paper. And as she’s opening the drawer’s a nicely carved wooden box draws her attention. And upon opening it she finds letters inside and a notebook that turns out to be her uncle’s diary.

 

_Dear Marcus,_

_I’m sorry. It had to be this way. Please forgive me._

_Abby_

 

It’s the first letter she reads. And she slowly reads them all, finally discovering the connection between Abby and Marcus. She finds out they met not so long ago, before he passed away. She even finds a photo of Clarke in one of the letters. And there was a photo when Clarke was five as well. She realizes the whole story and wants to tell it all to Clarke. But she couldn’t look her in the eyes ever again. She was surprised how big of a coward she was.

 

 

****

 

 

Clarke was walking down the street where she used to live. Her house was someone else’s home now. Whenever she would meet an old friend the only thing she would get was a fake sympathy. The entire town knew her story, a daughter of a bankrupted gambler and a sick mother. It was either fake sympathy or petty and Clarke didn’t know where to drain strength from anymore. Before she had her mother and now she had to be strong for both. They moved Abby to sanatorium and her visits were restrained for her illness was a contagious one.

Clarke was forced to grow up early and started doing all kinds of jobs in order to survive. She didn’t have the luxury of choice. She became housekeeper for all those rich families that used to come at her hose and people that he father gambled with. Her beauty was a problem, for she had to endure inappropriate compliments often given by the man twice as older than her and always married. Everyone knew she was alone and unprotected, therefore thought she was an easy prey or could be a cheap adventure. And the only thing that was giving her strength was the thought of her mother and how she has to get better. Her life changed for 360 degrees and new circumstances killed all illusions of a happy life. And her illusions of love were also destroyed when she would see the officer walking with other girls. She was angry how naïve she was. She struggled to earn more money but it simply wasn’t enough. The only true friend Clarke had was Octavia. She worked in a post office and lived near Indra, a modest girl, therefore capable of empathy and being a true friend.

Clarke was on her way home, exhausted. But that became a usual feeling. Her head was down and her arms were crossed as cold breeze tried to penetrate her coat.

‘’Miss,’’ she hears someone calling but doesn’t pay attention. ‘’Miss,’’ she hears again and this time turns around.

‘’Officer,’’ she can’t help but smile, although she has seen him walking with other girls, all rich ones of course.

He takes his hat off and bows politely. ‘’May I walk you home’’

Clarke lifts her eyebrows. ‘’I don’t know if that would be smart. Maybe some other girl is waiting for you,’’ she teases.

‘’Please,’’ he smiles. ‘’Allow me to walk with you’’

‘’Alright,’’ Clarke agrees.

‘’I heard what happened,’’ he starts. ‘’And I want you to know that I’m really sorry.’’

‘’Thank you,’’ Clarke swallows.

‘’Can we please sit in the park. There is something I would like to talk to you about.’’

Clarke hesitates but agrees eventually.

They walk silent side by side. Clarke’s heart skips few beats but her mother’s words echo in her head. _Don’t trust your heart, it doesn’t always know._

They find an empty bench and Clarke deliberately waits for him to start first.

‘’I was thinking of you,’’ he says.

‘’Even when you were walking with all those girls,’’ Clarke teases again.

‘’You’ve changed,’’ he notices. ‘’But you know that I always sympathized you the most’’

‘’Past tense,’’ Clarke says.

‘’Don’t be cruel. I wanted to marry you. But as an officer I need to pay if I want to get married.’’

‘’I know,’’ Clarke echoes.

‘’It’s a cruel thing to talk about money in a situation like this but that remains a fact.’’

Clarke smiles ironically.

‘’I want you to know that my intentions were honorable and sincere,’’ he says with apologetic look. ‘’And you will always be the girl I love,’’ he says before taking Clarke’s hand.

She keeps her stare, for she’s torn between her past feelings and present circumstances.

‘’Why are you silent,’’ he asks.

‘’What am I supposed to say’’

‘’That you love me back’’

Clarke sighs. ‘’Neither I love anyone nor anyone loves me’’

‘’I love you’’

‘’How can you say that so easily’’

‘’Clarke,’’ he smiles. ‘’Just remember what kind of letters you wrote to me,’’ he says, making Clarke feel awkward.

‘’You love me but not enough to marry me,’’ she says while standing up.

‘’Please don’t leave,’’ he follows.

She turns to face him, as he gives her the smile she always loved. ‘’I may have loved you once. But now, after everything that has happened to me, I don’t think I’m capable of love. Fairytales don’t exist’’

‘’I beg you not to leave,’’ he stops her again.

‘’I won’t be anyone’s mistress sir, not even yours,’’ she says. ‘’I’m afraid this is goodbye’’

He sighs. ‘’Why goodbye’’

Clarke softly smiles. ‘’Because it is,’’ she whispers.

‘’I’ll wait for you here tomorrow at six.’’

‘’Don’t do this to me. I will not appear’’

‘’Clarke I see it in your eyes that you still feel something for me’’

‘’That doesn’t matter anymore’’

‘’Of course it does, it always matters’’

‘’It doesn’t matter if I feel something or not,’’ she thinks about her mother, her marriage, her father, everything she’s lost. ‘’I have problems that need to be solved. I don’t have time for love’’

‘’I’ll wait for you’’

‘’Please don’t,’’ Clarke says, walking away with a trembling lips.

‘’Tomorrow at six Clarke,’’ he yells. ‘’I’ll be waiting’’

 

 

****

 

 

‘’Evening,’’ Clarke says walking tiredly into the house.

‘’Hi my dear,’’ Indra smiles at her. ‘’How was your day’’

‘’Same,’’ Clarke says before washing her hands.

‘’I was waiting so that we could have dinner together,’’ Indra says, making the table for the two of them.

Indra lived alone for most of her life. And having Clarke with her made the house alive somehow, even though the circumstances that brought them together were horrible.

‘’Let me help you,’’ Clarke offers.

‘’No, you sit, you’re tired’’

‘’It’s fine,’’ Clarke says, taking the plates from Indra.

‘’Oh, I almost forgot,’’ Indra says. ‘’Octavia was coming here today. She brought you a letter’’

‘’From who’’

‘’I don’t know. I didn’t open. It’s from Polis,’’ Indra says, handling it to Clarke.

Clarke frowns while opening it. She didn’t know anyone from Polis.

 

_Dear Miss Griffin,_

_Your mother was a close acquaintance of my uncle Marcus Kane. He died recently and made me promise to help Abby or anyone from Abby’s family, if needs be. I’ve heard of Abby’s illness and I beg you to accept this gift for the sake of their friendship, for he would want that very much._

_All the best,_

_Anya_

 

Clarke reads it out loud and frowns at Indra. She takes the money from the envelope and looks at it startled.

‘’How much is there,’’ Indra asks.

‘’A lot,’’ Clarke says.

‘’Marcus’s cousin’’

‘’Is that the Marcus you told me about’’

‘’It has to be. I don’t know any other your mother knew’’

‘’But…’’ Clarke doesn’t know what to say. ‘’What am I supposed to do now’’

‘’Take it,’’ Indra says.

‘’But it’s a lot of money. This is more than enough for six months of mother’s treatment’’

‘’It’s a gift for Abby from Marcus,’’ Indra says. ‘’She would accept it.’’

Clarke looks at the solution of her problems. It was a gift and whoever this Anya was she was grateful to her. She may have just saved her mother.

 

 

****

 

 

Lexa’s head is lowered. The horse beneath her walks slowly as he carries them both. She finished all the work. She has visited vineyard where half of Polis was coming to work. She went to see the mill that will start working again within few months. She was trying to keep herself busy and her mind occupied with work. She reached the school where Anya was teaching and waited for her to finish.

Children started running outside and Anya came out last.

‘’Look who came running to her sister,’’ Anya teases, making Lexa smile.

‘’Who am I supposed to run to’’

Anya changes her expression. ‘’Run to her,’’ she says, making Lexa sigh.

‘’Yes, that’s what she wants an outlaw to cam and take her again’’

‘’You have to win her affection,’’ Anya says. ‘’I don’t know how else you can make amends for what you’ve done’’

‘’I don’t think there’s a way to make amends. I will always be an outlaw for her. And I feel like one.’’

‘’Then don’t be a cowards as well. Talk to her’’

‘’I can’t. You have no idea how much she hates me’’

‘’Well you gave her a good reason’’

Lexa nods and they both stand quietly.

‘’I also feel guilty, you know,’’ Anya admits.

‘’Why’’

‘’You did it because of us’’

‘’It was all me, you had nothing to do with it’’

‘’Still I can’t help but feel that way’’

‘’I’m lost Anya. I don’t know what to do.’’

 

 

****

 

 

It’s been almost three months since Abby was in sanatorium. Her condition was improving slightly. Doctors weren’t optimistic or pessimistic but Clarke hoped, more than anything she hoped. Lexa was nowhere to be found and Clarke, with having enough money for her mother’s treatment thought about nothing else but her own case and her forced marriage. She didn’t believe she was married and yet she was. And the only thing she knew was that she had to get divorced. The portrait in the house kept haunting her. And she started to think about it day and night, trying to solve the riddle. Only someone who loved her mother would have a portrait of her in their house. And Clarke’s blood started to boil.

‘’She sent me money,’’ Clarke utters.

‘’What,’’ Indra says.

Clarke’s jaw clenches. ‘’She sent me the money’’

‘’Who’’

‘’Lexa, or whatever he real name is’’

‘’How do you know’’

‘’It was her,’’ Clarke stands up, making the chair fall. She walks angrily across the kitchen while Indra keeps looking at her confused. ‘’Think about it,’’ Clarke says. ‘’Portrait, she suddenly knows about my mother’s condition, she told me the house belonged to a man who died, and there were scarlet roses in the courtyard. If that Marcus loved my mother than he would have her portrait. And we were in his house, which makes Lexa his cousin who sent me money’’

Clarke’s been tricked once again and she couldn’t be more angry. She’s angry how she didn’t realize it all before. And she may have known it all along but seeing the money she needed she repressed the thought and took the easy way out.

‘’Yes but why would she force you to marry her because her uncle loved your mother’’

‘’I don’t know. But I have to get to the bottom of all this. It’s driving me crazy’’

‘’How’’

‘’I don’t need her money or her help. And I’ll give it back to her myself’’

‘’But how will you find her’’

‘’The letter came from Polis didn’t it, so I’ll start from there. And if she’s hiding her identity so will I’’

‘’What is your plan’’

‘’I’ll have to pretend I’m someone else. And I’ll find out the entire story’’

‘’I don’t know my child, it might be dangerous’’

‘’I don’t care. She has guilty conscious. That’s why she’s sending money. And it’s so irritating, as if she’s the victim here’’

‘’I don’t think I can let you do that’’

‘’Aunt please,’’ Clarke kneels in front of her. ‘’I have to find out the truth. I can’t be married like this’’

‘’I don’t know,’’ Indra hesitates.

‘’You know I’ll do it anyway’’

‘’Stubborn,’’ Indra caresses Clarke’s cheek. ‘’Just like her mother’’

‘’I have to know’’

’’ ‘’I don’t know,’’ Indra hesitates. ‘’You know I’ll do it anyway’’ ‘’Stubborn,’’ Indra caresses Clarke’s cheek. ‘’Just like her mother’’

‘’I have to know’’


	4. I'm near

‘’Is this why we came to TonDC’’

‘’No, I decided when we came here’’

‘’Are you seriously going to send that to her,’’ Anya angrily asks but it doesn’t stop Lexa from closing the envelope with divorce papers.

‘’What do you want from me,’’ she finally says.

‘’I want you not to bail on this girl, not now while her mother is sick’’

‘’I’ll keep sending her money’’

‘’She has no one. We all know what kind of disease her mother has. What will happen with Clarke if her mother dies? Even if she doesn’t who will marry her now when she’s lost everything? You are condemning this girl to a life where she’ll have to struggle to survive. And we know too well how that feels like.’’

‘’Anya in what language am I’m supposed to explain this to you. The girl hates me. She doesn’t want to have anything to do with me’’

‘’This is not about her hate. It’s about you not having the courage to face her and at least try to make amends or simply tell her the truth. Instead you’re still choosing to hide. And I think it’s time for her to know the truth’’

‘’I’m waiting every day for the police to show up and you expect us to be friends. What would change if I tell her the truth? She’ll probably hate me even more because it was all pointless anyway.’’

‘’It won’t be pointless if you change her mind, if you at least try.’’

Lexa keeps her cold haze. ‘’Would you forgive me if you were in her place’’

‘’If you told me the truth then I don’t know, maybe I would. This way she’ll continue to hate you and for a good reason’’

Lexa lets out a scoff while walking away tired of Anya’s lectures.

‘’Show her you’re not a savage she thinks you are’’

‘’I don’t know what I am,’’ she says before closing the front door.

Why couldn’t Anya understand? If Lexa had three lives it wouldn’t be enough time to make amends. There was no way Clarke would ever forgive her. And she keeps that attitude all the way until she reaches the post office. Maybe she hesitates for few moments but sends the letter anyway.

And it is not until she walks out that Anya’s words reach out to her. Was she really just taking the easy way out? She kept repeating that Clarke wanted nothing to do with her. But she really didn’t try to do anything to help this girl or try to get close, apart from sending her money which was a typical attempt to wash her hands. In Clarke’s mind she was still a monster and she didn’t want to admit how much it was hurting her.

Maybe Anya’s words penetrated her guard, maybe she wanted forgiveness or maybe she was simply curious. Whatever the reason was Lexa turned around and asked to schedule a phone call in two days.

 

****

 

Were Lexa and Anya the same person? Clarke kept wondering while rethinking her plan and theory. Maybe none of those names were the names of her kidnapper and she was just playing with her. Whether they were the same person or not Polis was definitely her first clue and she was determined to find out the truth.

‘’What are you thinking about,’’ a voice interrupts, making her blink few times.

‘’Hey,’’ Clarke smiles in surprise, never noticing the moment Octavia entered the courtyard.

‘’Head in the clouds, right’’ Octavia says while sitting next to Clarke.

‘’I’m just…’’Clarke waves with her hand, ignoring her thoughts. ‘’…giving myself a headache, that’s all’’

‘’We all do that,’’ Octavia says and they become quiet for few moments. ‘’How’s your mother,’’ she asks.

And Clarke can’t help but sigh. ‘’Same’’

‘’What are the doctors saying’’

‘’There’s not much of a progress. Her visits are still restrained so I just keep sending letters.

‘’She will be ok’’

‘’What if she doesn’t’’

‘’You mustn’t think that way.’’

‘’It’s a possibility. I can’t pretend that it’s not,’’ she concludes and Octavia knows it’s the truth.  ‘’No one knows this but sometimes I get angry at my mother’’

Octavia frowns. ‘’Why’’

‘’I’m angry that she shielded me so much from the world. I’m angry cause we crashed and now I feel like I’m lost in a jungle. I’m exposed to every danger. She’s the person I love the most and now I’m faced with losing her and it makes me angry so much. I wasn’t prepared for all this, all at once’’

‘’No one can prepare you for these things. You simply have to endure it’’

‘’I know it’s just that sometimes I can’t help but ask myself would it be better if I knew what life was from the start’’

‘’Life is hard Clarke,’’ Octavia says and her hand on Clarke’s knee shows her empathy. ‘’We just have to make it easy,’’ she concludes and it does help Clarke. It helps her because she realizes she has a great friend. And for that she truly is grateful.

‘’I really admire you O’’

‘’Why’’

‘’Your spirit is intact despite all your losses. How do you do that’’

‘’I’d turn back time if I could, especially when I think about my brother. He was too young to end like that. But since I can’t what else am I supposed to do’’

‘’I’d also like to turn back time. I’d scream at myself and how naïve and stupid I was. Me and my illusions of love’’

‘’Do you think true love exists’’

‘’Who knows these things,’’ Clarke frowns. ‘’Take me for example. I thought I loved the officer and that he loved me back. And it turned out he wanted nothing more than an adventure. And his intentions were true only because my father had money.’’

‘’But still I’d like to think it exists’’

‘’I don’t know. All of this has changed me. I’m not the same person’’

And oddly in that moment Clarke remembered Lexa’s words from that terrible nigh. _I’m not cruel, life is cruel._ And she couldn’t help but start guessing how extreme life can be to make you do such a thing and what were Lexa’s motives?

‘’We just had to grow up faster,’’ Octavia concludes and Clarke still isn’t sure how’s that fair and why life is the way it is. ‘’Anyway I came to tell you about a phone call you have tomorrow.’’

‘’Phone call,’’ Clarke frowns.

‘’From TonDC’’

Clarke didn’t know anyone from TonDC and it didn’t take much for Octavia to see the worry sweep over Clarke’s face. What if it was Lexa who was calling her?

‘’Clarke’’

‘’Yes’’

‘’You know you can trust me, right,’’ Octavia looks at her suspiciously. And the question finds Clarke unprepared. It even makes her feel slightly hypocritical after she gives her answer.

‘’Of course I know,’’ she calmly says.

It wasn’t a lie but Octavia knew there was something Clarke didn’t feel ready to share. And she keeps her stare, as if wanting to ask Clarke the same question again. But she never does.

 

****

 

Clarke waited for her call while Octavia sat behind the counter waiting to give her the signal to get in the cabin. She was walking in a nervous pace and when the phone rang Clarke felt as if being punched in the stomach.

‘’You can go,’’ Octavia says and Clarke slowly approaches the cabin, picking up the phone in the same manner after entering.

‘’Hello,’’ voice from the other side says, a voice that she recognizes in an instant, a voice that paralyzes her. ‘’Is that Miss Clarke Griffin,’’ Lexa asks, with a rapidly fading hope that she will get an answer.

Lexa didn’t know where she found the courage and audacity to make this phone call in the first place. The anticipation is killing her, pause is long, her eyes are closed and she wants to hang up. Maybe she would even prefer if Clarke wouldn’t answer.

She helplessly rests her free arm on the phone. ‘’Clarke are you there,’’ she desperately says one more time before completely giving up.

‘’I am,’’ Clarke finally speaks and Lexa’s eyelids are instantly lifted.

Her imagination only stretched that far. What was she supposed to say now?

Her mouth is suddenly dry and she clears her throat before she starts to talk. ‘’Thank you for coming,’’ she almost stammers while the hammering in her chest increases. ‘’Do you know who’s on the phone’’

Clarke knows but remains mute.

‘’Clarke do you recognize my voice,’’ Lexa asks, expecting a thump sound and line to be cut any moment now.

‘’I do,’’ Clarke quietly says and strangely it encourages Lexa to continue.

They both breathe with difficulties but never let the other one know.

‘’I hope you’re not angry that I’m calling you,’’ Lexa says and instantly regrets it, of course Clarke is angry. Why is she always picking the wrong words?

‘’I’m confused,’’ Clarke coldly admits, but still not feeling fully capable to speak. ‘’As I’ve been from the start,'' she says. ‘’You have to admit that this is all very confusing’’

‘’I know how it feels. I was confused myself’’

‘’And you rushed to share that confusion with me,’’ Clarke says with a hint of irony. ‘’Do you have any idea how I felt,’’ she asks and her anger threatens to take over.

Guilt keeps the words in Lexa’s throat imprisoned and even if she could speak it would be pointless. There were no words that could justify her. Instead she just leans her forehead on a wall of a cabin while being scolded.

 ‘’Stop being mysterious and tell me the truth,’’ Clarke demands.

‘’I’ll tell you, Clarke…’’ she quietly says. ‘’…in November’’

Clarke’s brows furrow. ‘’Why all the way in November’’

It would take days for Lexa to explain everything she has discovered from her uncle’s letters. But that wasn’t the biggest reason.

‘’Because I still don’t have the strength to look you in the eye,’’ she finally admits and not only to Clarke but to herself.

Clarke wants to get off of this chain carousel now. There is no way she will wait until November. She has to make the most of this phone call.

‘’What’s your name’’

‘’I’ve already told you my name’’

It didn’t help Clarke’s theory if Lexa was telling the truth, if Lexa was indeed Lexa then who was Anya?  _But_ _I will find you anyway,_ Clarke thinks.

‘’How can I know you were telling the truth’’

‘’I was, Clarke’’

‘’And you live in TonDC,’’ Clarke continues to interrogate, trying to find a hidden entrance to Lexa’s guarded world.’’

‘’No, I’m only here because of business’’

‘’What business’’

Lexa remains silent. It’s unbearable for her to speak with Clarke. She’s constantly reminded of her foul deed. And she can’t even imagine where the borders of Clarke’s hate end. Maybe there is no end.

‘’Please let’s not talk about me,’’ Lexa swallows. ‘’Tell me how’s your life, do you need something’’

‘’That’s none of your business. You certainly haven’t done anything to make it easier,’’ Clarke says, but still thinks about it afterwards. If Lexa indeed was the one who sent her money then it wouldn’t exactly be true.

‘’I ask because I worry about you,’’ Lexa says and struggles with next words and if she has the right to say them. ’’I want to ask as a friend’’

‘’Friends don’t try to trick one another’’

‘’I only wanted to see if you need any help’’

‘’I don’t need your help. I need answers.’’

‘’Trust me Clarke it’s not easy for me as well. I’m not ready to give them.’’

‘’You should’ve thought of that before you forced me to marry you’’

Clarke was right. Lexa didn’t think it through after all.

‘’Don’t worry. We won’t be married for much longer. But if there is anything else I can do please tell me’’

Clarke deliberately keeps Lexa in the shade, only to torture her. For she knows Lexa is calling because of her guilty conscious.

‘’What do you mean we won’t be married for much longer’’

‘’I’ve sent you divorce papers and I only ask for you to send them back once you sign them. You’ll find the address on the envelope’’

Two things were smothering Clarke, her mother’s health and her fake marriage. And both seemed unsolvable. So the potential idea of removing one problem from the list in the situation she found herself in seemed unreal.

‘’Is this another trick’’

‘’No more tricks Clarke,’’ Lexa sighs. ‘’I promise from now on it will be only truth’’

‘’So what was the point of this fake marriage’’

What was the point? Not even Lexa seemed to see it anymore. The point was probably the disconnection with her family, earning hate from a completely innocent person and slowly losing her mind. The only thing she gained was money that she would gladly trade back for her sanity.

‘’I’ll tell you Clarke. And I know you’ll never be able to forgive me but trust me when I say that not a day goes by that I don’t regret it’’

‘’A vigilante with a soul’’ Clarke scoffs.

The paradox does create a vague smile on Lexa’s face. It probably was the closest description to how she felt.

‘’Probably…’’

‘’So I have to wait until November.’’

‘’Please…’’ Lexa whispers.

‘’And the explanation involves my mother’’

‘’Yes,’’ Lexa says. ‘’But please don’t ask me more’’

‘’What if I can’t wait until November’’

Lexa doesn’t know what to answer. She only knows she can’t talk. The words are choking her.

‘’Stay well Clarke,’’ she manages to say and quickly hangs up, not waiting for an answer.

There is no sound but Clarke keeps the line open for a while.

 

****

 

It’s been a week since the phone call and Clarke’s been trying to come up with a plan how to trick Lexa ever since, if she manages to find her in the first place. She will go to Polis and search for Anya. And there were two possible scenarios. If Anya wasn’t Lexa she will simply thank her for the money and continue her search in TonDC. But Clarke will have to be in disguise anyway, just in case they were the same person. Lexa obviously didn’t want to tell Clarke anything until November and Clarke couldn’t wait that long. So in order to find out the truth Lexa mustn’t know it’s Clarke. But the red wig she was trying on seemed ridiculous rather than a good disguise.

‘’What the hell are you doing,’’ Octavia asks semi amused.

‘’O,’’ Clarke gasps, scared and surprised as if caught doing something wrong.

‘’What’s with the wig’’

‘’Ummm,’’ Clarke tries to think of an excuse. But quickly realizes it’s pointless and she was planning on telling Octavia anyway. ‘’O,’’ she sighs. ‘’I have to tell you something but you mustn’t tell anyone.’’

‘’Who would I tell Clarke’’

‘’Alright come and sit here’’

Octavia sits next to Clarke, slightly frowning while doing so.

‘’O what I’m about to tell you mustn’t leave this room. Indra is the only one who knows this’’

‘’Is it that serious,’’ Octavia says, not expecting what she was about to hear.

‘’Yes,’’ Clarke swallows, trying to find the easiest way to make her confession. But it’s one of those things where you just have to do it like ripping off a band-aid. ‘’I’m married’’

‘’You’re married,’’ Octavia’s eyes widen.

‘’Shhh’’

‘’When did you get married’’

‘’Four months ago but it’s not the worst part. I was kidnapped, I didn’t want it’’

Octavia’s brows furrow. She struggles to comprehend. ‘’You were kidnapped’’

‘’Yes, for one day, two nights actually’’

‘’When’’

‘’A week after we moved here, when my mother was taken to the hospital’’

‘’Dear God, did they do anything to you’’

‘’No one harmed me physically but I was forced to marry this girl’’

‘’Who forced you’’

‘’Actually she did. She threatened she’ll kill herself’’

‘’That’s the weirdest thing I’ve ever heard’’

‘’There’s more. She took me to some house where I saw a portrait of my mother.’’

‘’Your mother? What’s she got to do with all this’’

‘’I don’t really know. I only have a theory and that’s why my head is in the clouds. I keep trying to figure out why it was there.’’

‘’What’s your theory? What will you do now’’

‘’Well I’m really hoping my theory is solid. Indra told me about some Marcus that my mother loved when she was young. And then I thought only someone who loved my mother would have her portrait, right’’

‘’I guess you’re right’’

‘’Well that would mean I was in his house. And my kidnapper had something to do with him’’

‘’Go on’’

‘’A month after my mother got sick I received a letter from his cousin, the letter was from Polis, saying how my mother knew him. And apparently before he died, he made his cousin promise she will help my mother. And there was money for my mother’s treatment.’’

‘’So she sent you money, the girl who kidnapped you’’

‘’Her name is Lexa but the letter was sent by someone named Anya’’

‘’Maybe she’s covering her tracks’’

‘’That’s what I thought. But yesterday she insisted she was telling the truth and that her name is Lexa’’

‘’Yesterday’’

‘’That call from DC. It was her. It was the first time we spoke since our…wedding night’’

How strange wedding night sounded to Clarke. She was pretty sure no one ever had a similar one.

‘’What did she want’’

‘’it’s so confusing O and now she threw in TonDC. She wanted to see if I was ok, she said divorce papers are on the way, how sorry she is. And that she will explain everything to me in November. But I can’t wait that long. And I don’t really believe her about the papers and half the things she says’’

‘’Clarke I came because I have a letter for you from TonDC,’’ Octavia says while showing it to Clarke.

They were both now suspecting what the content could be. And if they were right it would mean Lexa was telling the truth.

Clarke hesitates while opening, as if something alive was in it. And stops blinking while reading a statement typed in her name, requiring only her signature. There were no other papers or mentioning of Lexa which was logical for a person who was trying to hide her identity. There it was. Clarke was holding her freedom again. It felt unreal. She almost smiles and Octavia takes the paper and reads it for herself.

‘’It says she’ll pay you alimony every month,’’ Octavia says. ‘’I really don’t understand any of this now’’

Clarke wasn’t sure if she heard Octavia. She was free, a signature away. But it all seemed too easy. What if it was a trick? _No more tricks Clarke_ , she remembers and wishes it was true.

‘’What will you do? You’re basically financially secured now’’

The idea was tempting. It sounded nice, financially secured. But wouldn’t Clarke be hypocritical if she lived of the money coming from someone she hated. It wasn’t really a true hate. It was simply confusion and not knowing who that person was and what was the source of that money. That terrified her the most.

‘’I don’t want her money. I have to find her and give her this. And I’m not signing anything until I’m sure this is not a trick’’

‘’You’re still gonna go’’

‘’I just want my freedom. And I still don’t know anything about my mother and her participation in this story. And I’ll feel exposed to the same threat again if I just send this back. Every night when I go to sleep, I feel as if someone is gonna come and take me. I feel like an easy prey and I can’t live with this fear’’

‘’I understand,’’ Octavia nods. ‘’Let me come with you’’

‘’Thank you O, but I wanted to ask you for a different favor. I hate leaving Indra alone and I know how much she likes you. If both of us would leave she would die from worry. I need someone here to watch over her, keep her calm and guard my back so that I wouldn’t worry either’’

‘’But to go alone and you don’t even know where exactly. You’re just guessing’’

‘’That’s why I wanted to go disguised. So that she won’t recognize me and therefore I won’t be in danger. That is if I find her at all’’

‘’Well wig makes sense. But it’s not just wig. You mustn’t be worried the way you are now, she’ll now you’re afraid and hiding something. You have to pretend you are happy and smile a lot’’

‘’I think that will be the hardest part,’’ Clarke sighs.

‘’In case you do find her what’s your excuse for being there’’

 ‘’I cannot know until I see the situation’’

‘’Ok,’’ Octavia claps her hands. ‘’Try the wig,’’ she smirks. ‘’Let’s solve this mystery’’

Trying the wig wasn’t that bad. It was even amusing and they needed a little distraction. But when Clarke tried her old dresses, when she looked herself in the mirror, fully disguised and remembered the daughter of bank owner and a healthy, loving woman her eyes glistened. That was a detail she didn’t predict.

‘’I don’t know if I can do this O. I thought I could but…I can’t’’ Clarke sits on the bad, taking off her wig, suddenly overwhelmed with memories when she didn’t know what she had and instead thought only about what she wanted.

‘’What is it,’’ Octavia crouches beside her.

‘’I can’t pretend that I’m happy while my mom is where she is. I can’t… I miss her’’

‘’Don’t think about it that way. Think about it as an investigation. Think of her, she is also connected’’

Clarke doesn’t answer. She wants Octavia to keep convincing her.

‘’You’ve given so much thought into this. Don’t give up now. If you make a choice you have to stick to it. No matter how hard it sometimes can be. And you said it yourself. You can’t live in fear’’

Clarke finally lifts her look. ‘’You’re a wonderful friend O’’

‘’C’mon,’’ Octavia grins. ‘’Let’s shock Indra with your new look’’

Indra smiled at first, but changed her expression quickly when she realized the seriousness of Clarke’s plan.

‘’I don’t know. I don’t think I can let you go’’

‘’Aunt I’ve decided. You can’t stop me on this one.’’

‘’What about your mother’’

‘’I’ll keep sending her letters regularly as I’ve been doing so far’’

Indra shakes her head ‘’Clarke…’’

‘’Aunt,’’ Clarke comes closer, taking both of Indra’s hands. ‘’I gotta know,’’ she whispers.

‘’When will you go’’

‘’In two days…’’ Clarke says, never feeling more determined.

 

****

 

Saying bye is never easy but it wasn’t for good. Clarke preferred to think of it as a vacation. Maybe even something doctor recommended. There was no more Clarke Griffin and yet her role was Clarke Griffin, but the old one, daughter of a bank owner. Rich, happy, naïve and isolated. She tried to come up with a different name and Octavia’s suggestion to use hers didn’t seem that bad.

Polis didn’t have a railroad. So the quickest way there was to use train to Mount Weather and then chariot to Polis. Cars were still rare and mostly personal properties.

The closer she was to Polis the more apprehensive she was about her plan. Suddenly the plan seemed extremely flawed, even stupid. Half the time she wanted to go back but then her curiosity would take over and she would be able to pull herself.

Finding a chariot was easy. Turned out the owner lived in Polis. It will take them tree hours to get there and Clarke spent the first hour observing the nature and the road. Trying to recognize anything that resembled the environment from the night she got married. It was mostly forest and it was a beautiful summer day. But not very far and not very near Clarke suddenly noticed a cross, or it looked like a cross, coming out from the trees.

‘’What’s that over there’’

‘’Oh it’s a church but not the main one’’

Clarke frowns. ‘’It looks familiar’’

‘’Maybe you were there as a child’’

‘’No, no it was recently,’’ Clarke says, suspecting it’s the church where she got married. ‘’But I can’t be sure. It was nigh when I visited’’

‘’At night at church. What were you doing there at night’’

‘’Nothing, I’m not even sure if it was that church. It just looks similar,’’ Clarke tries to explain. She wasn’t very good at lying and this whole mission was founded on a lie.

‘’There’s a spring there,’’ old man says. ‘’And they say the water from it can heal any disease. Many people come there and bring their loved ones’’

Clarke kept looking at the cross. She would go to the end of the world if something could save her mother.

‘’Are you visiting someone miss’’

‘’No,’’ Clarke says. ‘’Doctor recommended me this village. I had pneumonia and they sent me here to recover, fresh air and…’’ she blinks few times. ‘’I guess everyone knows how healthy it is here’’

‘’Everything is healthy here, air, food, water. You’ll see Polis is a beautiful place.’’

‘’Actually my mother had a friend here, Marcus Kane. Perhaps you’ve heard of him’’

‘’How could I not. Marcus helped built half of the Polis, and owned almost half. He bought a lot of land’’

‘’Really’’

‘’Yes, a very intelligent man. I think his vineyards are the biggest in the country.’’

‘’Really’’

‘’Oh yes. He was sent to build a road but fell in love with the place and decided to stay and live here. They even built him a monument as a thank you.’’

‘’I would’ve liked to have met him. But as I understood he passed away.’’

‘’Sadly yes. He was a fine man, but a loner. He never married or fathered children. No one knows why.’’

‘’But he has a cousin,’’ Clarke says. ‘’I believe her name is Anya.’’

‘’Yes Anya. Anya is a teacher, a very nice lady. But she’s not in charge of the land and vineyards. He actually left everything to Lexa.’’

Clarke swallows at the mention of the name. Could it be the one she was looking for?

‘’Lexa,’’ she calmly repeats, hoping to find out more.

‘’Yes. That girl is something special. I think he made the right decision. And it seems like as her uncle she also fell in love with this place. She’s a lawyer but chose countryside instead.’’

That would explain Clarke’s theory about Lexa being educated.

‘’What do you mean she’s special’’

‘’There is something in her. A man can’t describe it, very charismatic and hard working. She’s always in the field alongside her workers. Everyone loves her in Polis’’

The description didn’t fit the Lexa she knew. So it must’ve been some other Lexa.

‘’And Lexa and Anya are…’’

‘’Sisters and they have two brothers, Lincoln and Aden. They call them the Woods, so if you hear it you’ll know it’s them’’

‘’The Woods,’’ Clarke echoes, so that’s who she was after.

Her instincts were right and she didn’t know how to feel. She couldn’t separate excitement from fear. And how come Lexa was this praised person. Apparently Clarke will be the only one in Polis who will know Lexa’s true face.

‘’Tell me is there anyone who rents rooms. There must be rooms in a tavern.’’

‘’I think so. Although it’s the time of the festival soon and maybe all the rooms are taken’’

‘’What festival’’

‘’After the reaping is over we celebrate and can finally rest after the hard work. Don’t worry miss, you’ll see it all,’’ old man smiles.

And Clarke still didn’t know how to feel or what to expect. She didn’t want to get her hopes too high. She didn’t even know what her hopes from this place were. She just wanted to find out the truth and return home safely. That was what she kept repeating to herself. But information she just got were more positive then she’d expected. The dark and gloomy forest was now sunny and bright and resembled nothing the one she remembered. But everything has two sides. And as much as she wanted to enjoy the ride a part of her remained cautious and doubtful.


End file.
